Regret of a Lifetime
by believesvueo
Summary: When Maura confessed her feelings to Jane, Jane ends their friendship.
1. Chapter 1

_This idea has been lingering in my mind for awhile now and I finally had the chance to write it. It will be a two-shot story_

_Hope you all enjoy._

**Regret of a Lifetime Part 1**

When Jane told Maura that Casey had proposed to her, she was left confused about her feelings for her best friend. She loved Jane. Jane is her best friend and she wants nothing but for Jane to be happy. Casey made Jane happy. Even if she didn't like the way Casey was treating Jane, she kept her opinions to herself and decided that if Jane needed her opinion, she will give it to her.

She was also confused because she was feeling something that she knew she should not have been feeling. She had never had deep romantic feelings for a woman before so when she realized her feelings for Jane, it scared her. She wasn't quite sure what to do about it.

But when Jane told her she decided to take a leap of fate. She was so sure that even if Jane did not feel the same, nothing will change between them. She didn't expect anything from Jane. She will be happy with just her friendship and they can just forget and laugh about it years later.

So she invited Jane over for dinner.

After dinner, Jane and Maura sat down in front of the television.

Jane noticed Maura fidgeting.

"Maura, come on. What's going on with you? Why are you fidgeting?"

"Jane. Well, I just wanted to tell you. First of all I want to say that I don't expect you to feel the same way. I am just confused. I don't quite know how to say this."

"Maura, just come out and say it!"

"Jane, I think I have feelings for you."

"What?"

"There I said it."

"I know what you said but I am not sure if I heard you right. Did you say you have feelings for me? As in romantic feelings?"

"Yes. I know Jane. I am so confused myself. I mean, I've never…"

"Why are you doing this Maura? Did you think your declaration will change things between Casey and I? I am marrying him."

"Jane, no, I just wanted to tell you how I feel. I don't expect you to reciprocate. I am sorry if I upset you. I really am sorry."

"Look, you have just really pissed me off, Maura. I am going home. And don't you dare ever bring this up again."

"Jane. Please, I am sorry."

Jane walked out of Maura's house slamming the door. Maura stared at the door and fell to the floor crying.

The next three months, the only thing Jane and Maura talked about were the cases they were working on. Jane refused to talk to her about anything personal. Maura tried everything to get Jane to talk to her but Jane would have none of it.

When Maura received a letter from University of Sydney offering her a job to teach, she was excited. In the letter, it mentioned Ian's name as the one who recommended her for the position. After getting the letter, she called Ian and she found out that Ian had moved back to Australia and is teaching at the university.

Besides teaching, Maura will also be able to attend classes there and work on another degree.

She decided to accept the offer and turned in her resignation.

She spoke to Angela and told her about the offer that she accepted. She told Angela the whole situation with Jane. Angela understood and didn't judge her. Angela told Maura that all she wants is for her to be happy and that she will always be a daughter to her. She assured Angela that there was no need to move out. The house is paid off and that property taxes are paid through her account. She can stay as long as she wanted to.

Maura then spoke to Hope and Cailin. She was not expecting Hope and Cailin to join her in Australia. Cailin was in her pre-med while Hope has MEND. But Cailin said she can transfer her credits there and Hope said she can work in MEND at the Sydney office.

She then called her parents to inform them that she will be moving to Sydney and told them enthusiastically about the offer to teach. Her parents were ecstatic and told her that they will visit her as soon as she was settled.

After talking to the Mayor of Boston, and then to Cavanaugh, she sent an email to the University of Sydney accepting their offer. The University offered a house for her to stay until she finds a place of her own. She agreed to live in the house until she, Cailin and Hope could find a place to stay.

A week before she was to leave, while she was alone in her house, she heard the door bell. It was Jane on the other side of the door. She had been trying to ask Jane to meet so they could talk but Jane always turned her down until she finally gave up.

She opened the door to find a very angry Jane.

"So when the hell were you going to tell me, Maura?"

"Jane, come in."

"Are you leaving because I turned you down?"

"I never asked you Jane. So there was no reason to turn me down. And to answer your other question, I have been trying these past three weeks to talk to you but you didn't want to talk to me. I wanted to be the one to tell you but you told me "We have nothing to talk about."

"So when do you leave?"

"Next week. The department is throwing me a farewell party, I would love it if you could be there."

"I don't think I can make it. Casey is here next week."

"Oh okay. I guess I will see you at work then, Jane."

So why Sydney?"

"I got an offer to teach. Ian, he recommended me."

"Ian? As in Ian Faulkner, the International fugitive?"

"Yes, that Ian. Apparently, he is not wanted anymore. He's teaching in Sydney."

"But for how long until he leaves you again, Maura?"

"I don't know Jane. Let me worry about that."

"So are you two back together?"

"Jane I don't think that is any of your business. You decided that we were no longer friends three months ago Jane. I told you, all I wanted was to tell you how I felt and I didn't expect anything in return."

"So I guess we have nothing left to talk about then?"

"I guess not. I thought you should know, Hope and Cailin are also coming with me."

"I hope you are happy then with Ian and with Hope and Cailin."

"Goodbye, Jane."

"Goodbye, Maura."

_**A week later**_…

The whole homicide department as well as the DA's and other people who have worked with Maura attended her farewell party except for Jane.

Angela tried to convince her to come to the party, but Jane was stubborn and did not want to listen. She told Angela that she was done with Maura and that it was Maura who was leaving her. Korsak and Frost also tried talking to her into changing her mind but she refused to budge. Maura even sent a text and told her to bring Casey but she ignored her text.

The very next day, Jane realized what she had done and drove straight to Maura's house hoping to talk to her. She never did ask Maura when exactly she was leaving.

Jane kept ringing the door bell and knocked. She yelled out Maura's name but nobody ever came to the door.

"Jane, why are you yelling?"

"I've been ringing the doorbell and knocking for like 20 minutes but Maura wouldn't open the door."

"Jane, Maura left early this morning. She's gone, Jane."

"What? Why didn't I know?"

"Because you never cared to ask. She asked you to come to her farewell party, she begged you but you blew her off and instead, went away with Casey."

"So you're on her side, Ma? I'm your daughter, Ma not Maura. You are supposed to be on my side."

"Honey, I am always on your side."

"Did you know why I stopped talking to her? She…"

"She told me Jane. She only told you her feelings. She did not ask you to return her feelings. She was confused. It was hard for her to say her feelings but all she wanted was your friendship because she knew that you don't feel the same way. She knows how much you love Casey. She is really happy for you."

"But how can…"

"You know Janie, I have always been proud of you. There was never a time that I wasn't proud of you. But what you did with Maura, how you handled things and especially, last night when you did not show up, I was very disappointed. She waited for you, you know. She didn't sleep. She was so sure you would show up because the Jane she knew and her best friend would never let her leave without saying "goodbye." She believed that you would be happy for her as she was happy for you. She left you this."

Angela handed her a white envelope.

Inside was a letter.

_Dear Jane,_

_I wasn't sure if I would still be invited to your wedding after these past three months. We have not talked and I deeply regret ever telling you how I felt. You're my best friend and I miss you so much. But we both have to move on. I wish you all the happiness in the world with Casey. He is a good man. I hope you wish me the same happiness too. I am nervous about this new endeavor but I am also very excited. _

_I hope someday, you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

_I love you, Jane. You will always be my best friend. _

_Maura._

Inside were two plane tickets and 1 week hotel accommodation in Paris and 1 week accommodation in Tuscany.

_Dear Jane and Casey,_

_Congratulations on your marriage. _

_Wishing you all the best._

_Maura_

Jane fell to her knees after reading the letter.

She had never felt so alone in her whole life. Her best friend is gone and it was all her fault.

, .


	2. Chapter 2

**Regret of a Lifetime Part 2**

_**Six months later…**_

After Maura left, Jane did a lot of thinking. She thought about her future with Casey and she realized that there is no future. And she was in love with Maura. She always has been since the day they met.

She decided she will go after Maura. She will go to Australia and confess her feelings to Maura. She needed to talk to her mother. She knows Angela and Maura have kept in touch since she left.

She went down to the cafeteria.

"Ma, I need Maura's contact information."

"Why?"

"I'm planning to fly to Australia and talk to her. I want to apologize to her. I want to tell her how I feel."

"Honey, I don't think that is a good idea."

"Why the hell not, Ma? Did something happen to Maura?"

"Jane, Maura got married a week ago to Ian."

"What?"

I'm sorry Jane."

"Is she happy?"

When I spoke to her on the phone, she sounded very happy."

"Okay. Thanks Ma,"

The moment Angela saw the hurt on Jane's face, she could not bring herself to tell Jane the other news. Maura is 3 months pregnant and the moment Ian found out, he got down on his knee and asked her to marry him.

Six years later…

When Jane walked into the cafeteria, there was quite a commotion. She saw people gathered around smiling.

She squeezed herself through the crowd and what she saw was somebody she never thought she would ever see again. She knew that honey blonde hair and the perfectly pressed dress. She also recognized her scent. And her laugh. She is here.

"Maura?"

Maura turned around when she heard a voice she has not heard in six years. What she saw made her sad. Jane looked like she lost more weight that she needed too. There was sadness in her eyes.

"Jane"

Jane walked over to Maura and gave her a hug which took Maura by surprise.

"How long have you been back?"

"About a week. I was…"

Just then Maura and Jane heard a little girl's voice Jane did not recognize and another voice she recognized.

"Nana Hope, statistics shows that…"

"Angie, darling, are you giving your Nana Hope a hard time?"

"On the contrary, Mommy, I was simply telling Nana Hope that…"

"Angie, how about you and Nana Hope finish this discussion later. I want you to meet some people."

The little girl turned around and there was no mistaking this little girl is Maura's daughter. She had the same hazel green eyes as Maura and those dimples.

"Angie, I want you to meet…"

"Nana Angela. I am so elated to finally meet you."

Angie ran over to Angela and gave her a hug.

"Oh my, you are one sweet little girl."

"Nana Angela, you know I was named after you. Well, I was named after my three Nana's. My name is Angela Constance Hope."

"You look like your Mommy."

"I look like both my Mommy and Nana Hope. And my brother, Chubs, he looks like…"

"Angie what did I tell you about calling your brother Chubs?"

Just then they heard a voice which Jane knew was Cailin's, who was holding a toddler, who looks to be about 2 years old.

Cailin is now a grown woman.

"Auntie Cailin, come bring Chubs here to meet Nana Angela."

Jane laughed at the little girl. She stood there and watch as Cailin tried to hand off the little boy to her Ma but the boy would not let go of Cailin.

"Little Richard is really attached to Cailin. Cailin is a doctor now. She is a pediatrician. Angie is 4 years old and Little Richard is 2 years old. His name is Richard Barold. I named him after my father and Frost. I heard about what happened to him and I am so sorry. Korsak is finally retired and Cavanaugh said he is retiring at the end of the year."

"Yeah. Seems like you are up to date. So where is Ian?"

"Ian, he, Jane he died six months ago. He was in Africa, in a convoy bringing medicines and there was a roadside bomb. He went to Africa twice a year to bring aid along with Hope's MEND. Fortunately, Hope was not with the convoy when it happened. I don't think I would have been able to take it if both of them died. That is why I decided to come here to Boston. It was just too much for me and the kids there. Everything reminded us of Ian."

"I am so sorry about Ian. I didn't know, Maura"

"I miss him. I miss Ian so much. He was so good to me and the kids. He was everything I could have asked for. He was a great father and a wonderful husband. He made me very happy. I am glad I married him, Jane. How about you Jane? Where is Casey? Is he assigned somewhere?"

:Um, Maura Casey and I, we are not together anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that Jane. I didn't know you guys are divorced. I never would have guessed."

"Actually, we never got married, Casey and I, I broke off the engagement."

"Oh. I thought when I never got the invitation it was because you didn't want me to be at your wedding. Wow. Why did you call it off? I mean, if I recall, you were so sure about marrying him. It was all you ever wanted."

Jane looked at Maura to see if there were any trace of hurt or bitterness, but she saw none of those emotions.

She took a deep breath before answering.

"I realized that he wasn't the right one. That he wasn't the one I wanted to be with. And by the time I realized it, it was too late."

"Oh. But you know Jane, you can't live in regrets. I believe that things happen for a reason. I certainly don't have any regrets. When I married Ian, I knew that it was the right thing to do. I may not have had the feelings I had for Ian like I did in Africa, but slowly, I realized and saw why he was or still is the love of my life. I would never regret marrying him because otherwise I would not have those two beautiful kids. They are my world. And Jane, I wanted to tell you for a long time that I don't regret telling you how I felt six years ago. It was the one of the best decisions of my life. I do regret that it cost our friendship. But that loss of friendship, I gained Angie and Little Richard. Come and meet them."

It took every strength she had to not cry and to move her legs forward. What Maura just said she never thought a pain like this was possible. It was more painful that when she shot herself. It was more painful than when Hoyt stabbed her. It was more painful than when she told Casey that it was over between them.

"Come on Jane, I want you to meet my kids. We'll talk more about this, another time."

"Jane. It's so nice to see you again."

Hi Hope."

This right here is my very smart granddaughter Angie."

"You're my Aunt Jane. You're Nana Angela's daughter. And you are in law enforcement. You and my mommy used to work together."

"That's right Angie. You are a very smart girl, How old are you?"

"I am very smart just like my Mommy. I am four years old."

"I agree, you are just like your Mommy."

"Hey Cailin, do you have to go to Mass General to see your schedule?"

"That's right. One of the doctors in pediatrics is going on vacation next week and they want me to cover for her. I have to go, sis."

When the toddler heard that his Auntie Cailin had to leave, he started crying and wouldn't let Cailin go.

"Chubs, sweetie I am coming back. Auntie Cay just needs to go to work but I promise I will be back. You see Mommy is here to take care of you. So is Nana Hope and Nana Angela. And there is big sis too. How about I make a deal with you, Chubs? I will bring something for you later, is that cool?"

The boy gave a big smile and giggled.

"Now go to Mommy/ See you later Chubs. Remember, Auntie Cay loves you."

"Hope, don't you need to go to MEND?"

"I do but are you going to be okay with these two?"

"I'll be fine. I need to get back to the hotel anyway, this little one needs to be fed and have his little nap."

"You're staying in a hotel? Why? You have your house?" Jane asked

"I wanted to take care of some things first, like Angie's school, and get an realtor to look for a bigger house. I also have a couple of job offers that I am considering."

"Oh, so you are planning to sell your house and buy a new one?"

"I have spoken to Angela, your mother knows about this. With the two kids, Cailin and Hope, we would not fit in the old house. I invited Angela to come stay with us and she said that she plans to move in with Sean. But from the looks of it, she might just change her mind. I think my kids have stolen her heart,"

"Yeah, looks like they have. You have beautiful kids Maura."

Thank you, Jane. Listen, we have to get going. I will see you later at the house? Angela said that she is going to prepare a "welcome Home" dinner tonight, so you should come."

"If I'm not too busy with paperwork or a body, sure I will try."

"Oh, okay. Well, if I don't see you tonight, I'm sure we will have other chances to see each other again. It was nice to see you again Jane."

"Yeah. Maura, it's nice to have you back in Boston."

Jane watched Maura walk over to her mother. She took Little Richard while Angie took Hope's hand.

Maura waved at her and smiled. Maura had never looked more beautiful. Her smile was how she always remembered it but there was something different. She looked completely happy, her eyes sparkling as she rubbed her nose on the little boy's cheek, and the boy giggled.

My eyes started to feel heavy and I knew that in a second my tears will fall. I felt a hand rubbing my back to calm my emotions.

"Are you okay sweetheart?"

"I'm not Ma. To think if only I had been brave enough six years ago, I would have everything."

"I am so sorry sweetheart. Maybe, just give it some time."

"I don't think so Ma. Maura is different now. It's like she had really moved on and any feelings she had for me, are gone. It's like, she doesn't even need me as a friend. Her life is complete."

"Jane, you have to try and be her friend again. Honey, you never know until you try. I am sure she wants you in her life. She wants you in her children's lives. Be her friend. Be Aunt Jane to those beautiful children. Do not give up."

"I promise I won't Ma. I owe it to her to try."

The End


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **I just want to say that I appreciate all the nice reviews that I have read so far. Although, I did receive one from an anonymous reader that was not very pleasant. I am open to reviews but you always have a choice of not reading a story if you don't like it.

Things don't always go the way we want it to be I wrote a story which I felt was realistic. In my opinion, when best friends have a falling out, the way Jane and Maura did in my story, things just cannot go back to normal or the way it was after 6 years of being apart. Jane, in this story, shut her out of her life. She begged and she waited for Jane but Jane would have none of it. She even waited up for Jane to come see her on her last night in Boston but Jane never showed up. She also gave them a wedding gift. All Maura wanted for Jane was her happiness. And if Casey made her happy, she accepted it. But she also had to live her life. So she decided to move on with her life.

I recently had a falling out with my best friend. And we don't talk anymore. She decided that she doesn't want me in her life. I apologized and tried my best but she refused to speak to me. She blocked me from her Twitter and Facebook. Reality hit me and I had to get over losing my best friend. I have to move on. I cannot keep apologizing when the person doesn't want to listen. It taught to watch what I say and it was a lesson I had to learn. It cost me my best friend but life goes on..

There was a review from lyris who signed in as guest and what she said in her review was what I was trying to convey in this story. Maura was left no choice but to move on. An opportunity came to her which was to teach in Sydney and there, she rekindled her romance with Ian even if that was not her intention. And Ian made up for all the times he wasn't there for Maura. And then they started a family. When Ian died, she also chose to move on with her life by taking her kids with her back to Boston.

This story is about how one decision could change our life forever. The decision Jane made cost her friendship as well as a happy life she could have had with Maura. Maura's decision to move on gave her happiness she wanted and it was with Ian and their children. The decision also gave the opportunity for her to have stronger relationships with Hope and Cailyn. That is why Maura said to Jane "You can't live your life in regrets." Because in truth, life is not a fairytale.

I don't know if I will write another chapter or an epilogue yet. I will think about it.


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